If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
