I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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