apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
