Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
