so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize