It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
