My liver just broke up with me...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
