i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
