Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
