But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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