Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
