More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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