OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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