Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
