My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
