he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
