the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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