did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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