NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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