Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
