A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am one with the molecules
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
