she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
