we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
