Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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