Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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