When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He passed out mid-signature
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
