No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
