she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
