..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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