y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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