I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
BRING THE BAGELS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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