why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
