I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
