there's paper in my vomit.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
