You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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