Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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