Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
one might say we're banned from that church
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Randomize
