Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
