My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
