Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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