Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
