Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
