You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
