he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
