Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
