direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
