I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
