I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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