Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
