She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
