I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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