Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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