I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
