tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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