I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
