I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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