Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
