you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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