i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
