is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
