i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
