I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
