everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
