I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
