was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
