Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
