I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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