he wants to bone in the snuggie
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
