before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
