I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
