the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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