just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize