I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
