i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
