I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
