dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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